


To Love And To Lose (and to gain again)

by PotterheadAvengerDemigod



Series: Blue Blood [1]
Category: The Founder of Diabolism, The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 魔道祖师 | Módào Zǔshī (Cartoon)
Genre: Adopted Children, Alpha Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omega Verse, Omega Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Parent-Child Relationship, but i hope you guys like it anyway, honestly im not sure what to tag this, its just a self-indulgent fic where i get very confused with myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-08-29 20:44:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16751242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotterheadAvengerDemigod/pseuds/PotterheadAvengerDemigod
Summary: Wei Wuxian wishes that he’d told Lan Wangji about the child. Maybe Zhenli would still be alive, then. The Gusulan Sect wouldn’t have let a child of one of their twin jades be killed, even if his mother was the Yiling Patriarch himself./OR/ The self-indulgent one where I create a Wangxian lovechild and go nuts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this fic has been sitting in my drafts for months now, and i just dragged myself back into this fandom to complete it haha, I hope you guys enjoy!  
> A quick brief before you guys read this, in this AU Wangxian's lovechild and Lan Sizhui are the same age and they grew up together in Burial Mounds, before Wei Wuxian died and Lan Wangji found them both. Lan Wangji didn't know that Wei Wuxian was pregnant with his child before all the chaos went down, and he only realises the kid is his after he finds him and Wen Yuan in the ruins of Burial Mounds, after Wei Wuxian died.  
> Also Wen Yuan didn't lose his memories of his childhood in this AU, so him and Wangxian's child are very much like brothers.

_Why the hell is this spoilt brat kicking me,_ is the first thought Wei Wuxian has when he returns in the body of Mo Xuanyu.

 _I wonder what became of A-Li and A-Yuan,_ is the second.

The third is, _They’re probably dead, like Wen Qing and Wen Ning._

The grief strikes him hard, hard enough that he barely spares a thought for the two abusing his given body.

It takes a while for Wei Wuxian to gather his thoughts again, but he does so just barely fast enough to catch the tail ends of the enraged teen’s cries, yells of being maligned and insults towards him -or, rather, the body that he resides in- most of which were along the lines of him being worthless and unloved.

When the pair -young master and servant, if Wei Wuxian had to guess- finally leave, that’s when he finally heaves himself to his feet and examines both the body he’s taken over as well as the strange, pungent-smelling array beneath him.

_What the heck am I doing in this person’s body?_

The answer comes to him quickly enough, after a moment’s scrutinisation of the bloody array and the gashes littering his body.

A sacrificial array, huh? There was only one reason anyone ever did things like this. Revenge.

And looking at the treatment he’d gotten so far, Wei Wuxian was pretty sure who Mo Xuanyu wanted revenge on.

* * *

So, humiliation wouldn’t cut it. Damn.

The only things Wei Wuxian can think of now are utter despair and loss, or death.

But is he really desperate enough to destroy an entire family, or murder them in cold blood?

The idea of it sends shivers down his spine, but at the same time, he _really_ doesn’t want to have his soul ripped apart and annihilated.

And then he gets dragged out of the donkey shed in the middle of the night, and one of the gashes on his arm has healed.

He sees the corpse on the ground, sucked dry of qi, and immediately understands.

Well. That made things… easier.

The courtyard is filled with servants and cultivators alike, and before Wei Wuxian can even blink Madam Mo is on him, screaming for his head and brandishing a dagger at him.

One of the Lan disciples -there seem to be more than the two that were present, earlier- grabs her wrist and forces her to drop the dagger.

“Attacking a defenseless person is not right,” the disciple intones, face blank.

Madam Mo screeches, high and crazed. “The lunatic killed my son! My A-Yuan! He should pay!”

Wei Wuxian sees the disciple grit his teeth, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Sizhui,” another disciple says, warningly, a hand coming down to rest on Sizhui’s shoulder.

This disciple is new. He wasn’t with the other two earlier, in the Mo mansion. He’s wearing the white forehead ribbon of the Lan Sect as well, but his is cloud patterned. In fact, Wei Wuxian hadn’t noticed beforehand, but both this new disciple and the disciple that had just saved spoken up for Wei Wuxian are wearing cloud patterned forehead ribbons. A cloud patterned forehead ribbon, which symbolised… someone who was a direct descendant of the Lan Sect founder. Someone who wasn’t just a sect disciple, but a clan disciple.

And the only way these two junior disciples could be part of the Lan clan was if their father was one of the Twin Jades.

And the one who’d spoken up for him -what was his name, Lan Sizhui?- Wei Wuxian can see some form of resemblance, the typical high cheekbones and sharp nose, classically beautiful features.

But the other disciple- he has a spill of inky black hair, a slender, regal face shape, and wide eyes framed by dark eyelashes.

It is not hard to guess who his sire is. Even if he doesn’t look exactly like _him,_ the slant of his nose and the golden shine of his eyes tell Wei Wuxian all he needs to know.

There is only one person Wei Wuxian knows with eyes that beautifully golden.

Wei Wuxian knows that he hasn’t seen this disciple before. Because he would remember if he’d seen those eyes again. The eyes of the only alpha he'd ever liked, ever considered bonding with.

The alpha whose child he’d carried. The alpha whose child was probably dead by now. The alpha who hadn’t even known about his child.

Wei Wuxian wishes now that he’d told Lan Wangji about the child. Maybe Zhenli would still be alive, then. The Gusulan Sect wouldn’t have let a child of one of their Twin Jades be killed, even if his mother was the Yiling Patriarch himself. Maybe they would have spared Wen Yuan too.

He’s shaken out of his thoughts by Madam Mo’s shrieking yet again, and when he looks up this time she’s being physically restrained by both Sizhui and the other disciple with his Lan Zhan’s eyes.

The disciple shifts closer to Wei Wuxian, and he catches a whiff of parental scent marking on the boy. The familiar mixed scent of sandalwood and snow hits Wei Wuxian like a tidal wave, and he freezes.

Even if Wei Wuxian had wanted to deny who the boy’s sire had to be, even if he’d wanted to bury the truth...

So Lan Wangji had found a mate after all.

Wei Wuxian couldn’t smell another parent’s scent mark on the boy, so either Lan Wangji’s mate was a beta, or they were an omega with a scent that was easily overpowered by their mate’s.

Wei Wuxian tells himself the clenching of his heart is just a natural reaction to his almost-mate’s scent after thirteen years. It wasn’t jealousy. It wasn’t.

Then one of the Lan disciples -Jingyi, was it?- pulls out a Phantom Attraction Flag from Mo Ziyuan’s robes. Immediately, the truth of the matter becomes clear.

Wei Wuxian watches the Lan disciples explain the matter to Madam Mo, his focus momentarily turned from his own emotions to the current happenings. He watches Madam Mo snap at the disciples, yelling at them for “neglect” and “incompetence”. He watches her scream at them for not being able to protect a seventeen year old boy. He watches her scream at them as if they’re the ones responsible for making sure that someone older than them would understand simple instructions.

The boys were young, barely of age to night hunt by themselves, and unless Wei Wuxian was so severely out of the loop that he hadn’t even heard of Lan Wangji getting a mate before he died, said man’s son couldn’t be more than thirteen. The same went for the other disciple, Lan Sizhui. Even if he wasn’t Lan Wangji’s son, and was Lan Xichen’s, there was no way one of the Twin Jades got married and Wei Wuxian, even living in his cave on the Burial Mounds, wouldn’t have heard of it. Neither of them could be more than thirteen. The other disciples couldn’t be more than fifteen, maybe sixteen, given their youthful appearances and general lack of experience in night hunting. It wasn’t to say they weren’t in possession of high levels of cultivation- all of the disciples in front of him were of high enough levels that he could actually feel the spiritual energy radiating from them, but as fresh out of the Cloud Recesses as they were, Wei Wuxian doubted that they’d ever gone night hunting without a supervising senior before.

Madam Mo has no right screaming at boys who’ve already tried their best to protect her and her family.

“I doubt your son is so young that he can’t understand clear instructions, Madam Mo,” Wei Wuxian snaps, dropping the mask of a lunatic for all of a second. “Did you not hear what they said earlier? Stay out of the courtyard. Don’t blame them just because your son has sticky fingers and a thief’s urges.”

Madam Mo gapes, hatred and grief burning bright in her eyes, before she turns and snaps at her husband to order everyone inside the house.

Chaos descends as Master Mo pushes her to the ground instead of obeying like he’d always done, and then servants are scrambling to help her to her feet even as they all begin streaming towards the doors of the house.

Then there’s a scream, and another person is dead, and Wei Wuxian sees the way the Lan disciples exchange anxious glances.

This is a dangerous spirit, there’s no doubt about it. It’s far more powerful than the average walking corpse, or even the average vicious ghoul, that much is clear.

And Wei Wuxian knows the Lan disciples are young enough that the odds of them having met such deadly spirits are extremely, _extremely_ low.

Lan Sizhui is asking if they’d sent up the signal yet, and Wei Wuxian prays that there’s a senior cultivator nearby, because these boys, as high in cultivation as they are, are far too inexperienced to deal with something as strong as this spirit is turning out to be.

Wei Wuxian knows he should go, should take the chance and leave while everyone else is distracted, avoid the possibility of bumping into anyone that he would have known in his past life. But he can’t leave the vicinity of the Mo family until the curse is fulfilled, and… he doesn’t want Lan Wangji’s son to die if he can help it.

Then A-Tong dies, then Madam Mo dies, and everything descends into chaos in the blink of an eye.

The Lan disciples are barely managing to hold the demonic left arm in, caged within a sword fence, and even Lan Wangji’s son’s blade -undoubtedly a sword of the caliber of the legendary Bichen itself- is wavering under the force of demonic strength.

The fierce corpses of the Mo family that Wei Wuxian animates holds back the demonic arm for a while longer, after the sword fence breaks. But even three savage, fierce corpses can’t keep it at bay for long, and Wei Wuxian knows that if he does more, the chances of being revealed for who he really is increase drastically.

But he can’t let innocent children die. Especially not Lan Wangji’s son.

So Wei Wuxian prepares to let loose the whistle that will increase the power of the fierce corpses of the Mo family.

Then the familiar strum of a guqin splits the air.

Perched on the roof of the Mo family residence, white robes flowing in the wind and haloed by moonlight, black hair an inky spill across the moon-bright sky, is Lan Wangji. He’s even better looking now than he was in the past, the last remnants of teenage chub have faded from his face, leaving behind high cheekbones and a regal face, perfectly arched brows and narrow, almond eyes. His fingers stroke the strings of his guqin carefully, caressing it and wringing out the purest notes, filling the air with spiritual energy.

He looks ethereal in this lighting, like he’s on the brink of ascension, or like he’s descended from the heavens, an immortal being of unparalleled beauty and grace.

“Han Guang-Jun!” The Lan disciples shout, and Wei Wuxian hides a wince as Lan Wangji’s son shouts a relieved, “Father!”

It’s time to take his leave, then, Wei Wuxian thinks as he glances up at the otherworldly beauty that is Lan Wangji. His heart clenches. Time to go, before he does something stupid, like try to jump a bonded alpha.

* * *

 _It’s just one mess after another, isn’t it,_ Wei Wuxian reflects ruefully after Bichen’s light blinds him and he falls, landing ungracefully at Lan Wangji’s feet. Behind him, Jiang Cheng’s familiar, outraged scent mixes with Lan Wangji’s more mellow one, a strange but not unfamiliar combination, and Wei Wuxian is kind of upset. All those years growing up together with Jiang Cheng, and he’d never had any reason to doubt him, but the events leading up to his death leave a sour taste in the back of his mouth, and even though neither Lan Wangji nor Jiang Cheng know who he is, it doesn’t change the way he feels seeing the two alphas he was the closest to fight like this.

It goes on down this path for a long while, Jiang Cheng getting angrier and angrier while Lan Wangji just holds his gaze coolly.

Behind them, Lan Wangji’s son -Wei Wuxian still hadn’t gotten his name, unbelievably- and Jin Ling are locked in a vicious staring contest, and the glare on Lan Wangji’s son’s face is maybe the most emotion Wei Wuxian has ever seen on a member of the Gusulan clan.

And then Jiang Cheng steps down, and Lan Wangji relaxes ever so slightly, barely perceptible.

“Wangxian,” Lan Wangji says, voice low, a hand on his son’s shoulder. His tone is warning.

Immediately, his son subsides, stepping away from glaring at Jin Ling and offering his father an apologetic look.

“Yes, Father,” Lan Wangxian says, head bowed.

* * *

The sudden lull in the atmosphere that comes with having his wrist grabbed and playing stopped abruptly is jarring, especially with the way Lan Wangji’s scent plays havoc with his senses, as close as the other man is standing. Wei Wuxian curses the fact that even in possession of a new body, he’s still an omega. Being this sensitive to Lan Wangji’s scent was… annoying.

It’s not that he minds being an omega -he really doesn’t, it’s fun watching people underestimate him and pay the price- but at times like this he hated it, especially the extra-sensitive omegan nose that came with everything else.

And then Jiang Cheng’s there, furious and suspicious, and Zidian is crackling with energy even as Lan Wangji stands, an unwavering fortress in front of him.

The omega in him is more than pleased to be protected by the alpha he likes, but the logical part of his brain screams at him to _run._ Because he can’t get caught by any of them. Not Jiang Cheng, and _definitely_ not Lan Wangji.

If he gets dragged back to the Cloud Recesses one more time he thinks he might actually die. Not because of the crazy wall of rules -although that’s a part of the reason- but because Wei Wuxian doesn’t think he can stand seeing Lan Wangji actually in the presence of his mate. Not after Wei Wuxian had spent the years before his death silently staring after the alpha, not when they’d had one night of everything Wei Wuxian had ever dreamed before he realised how stupid of a dream it was.

Someone of Lan Wangji’s refinement and bloodline would never like a servant’s son like himself. It didn’t matter how high his cultivation was, because Lan Wangji was always better. And now he’s in a body with low cultivation, and even better, he’s slapped with the title of a lunatic as well. Even if Lan Wangji knew who he was -and Wei Wuxian prays that day never comes, because he doesn’t think he can take the rejection and resentment twice over- he would never catch the eye of the alpha.

But what did it matter? Lan Wangji was mated, with a child. Wei Wuxian would never break apart a family like that.

So Wei Wuxian runs, arms flailing like he really _is_ a lunatic, and the burning strike of Zidian across his back is familiar. Even then, he falls and forces himself up to stand again, sputtering indignant words, and watches as Jiang Cheng readies himself for a second strike and the Lan disciples shout in protest.

Then Jiang Cheng signals for his men to take him, and Wei Wuxian cuts his losses. He jumps behind Lan Wangji and makes a show of cowering behind the taller man, arms over his head and expression startled and frightened.

Better to go with Lan Wangji than with Jiang Cheng. There was a far lesser chance of being found out back in Gusu, rather than in Yunmeng where everyone knew him, and he they. No matter how emotionally painful it might be, Gusu was the better choice by far.

“Second Young Master Lan,” Jiang Cheng says, voice deceptively level. “”Are you purposefully making things difficult for me?”

Wei Wuxian makes a bigger show of cowering and hiding.

“Why are you bothering an innocent man, Sect Leader Jiang?” Lan Sizhui asks, expression politely neutral.

“The evidence has made it clear that Mo Xuanyu’s body is his own,” Lan Wangxian continues, moving to stand beside Lan Sizhui. “As Sizhui has said, why are you troubling an unimportant man such as him? Should Zidian’s strike not ring true?”

Jiang Cheng growls. “Second Young Master La-”

Wei Wuxian abruptly bursts into stifled giggles. “Sect Leader Jiang, your, um… interest is really flattering, and an omega like myself still wants to find a nice alpha mate. But I don’t just like all alphas, Sect Leader!”

Jiang Cheng’s expression pulls into a furious scowl. “You- That isn’t-”

“For example!” Wei Wuxian continues blithely, keeping the mischievous grin from his cheeks using pure willpower. “I’m not into alphas like you!”

Jiang Cheng’s expression is enraged now, both at the perceived slight and the impertinence in Wei Wuxian’s voice.

“Then,” Jiang Cheng asks, words almost a hiss. “Pray tell, what kind of alpha _do_ you like?”

Wei Wuxian lets himself stare at Lan Wangji for far too long, lets himself flush red, and smiles, far too wide to look completely sane. “Alphas like Han Guang-jun!”

He knew both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji well enough that the insult to Jiang Cheng and the completely uncalled for affection towards Lan Wangji would be received with disgust. Hopefully, it would be enough disgust for both of them to let him escape.

But then Lan Wangji turns to look at him, expression serious, and nods. “Okay.”

_What?_

“I am taking this person back to Cloud Recesses with me,” Lan Wangji announces abruptly, turning back to face Jiang Cheng, and Wei Wuxian watches as Jiang Cheng’s face reddens with anger, but he doesn’t say anything as Lan Wangji drags Wei Wuxian away, the Lan disciples following behind.

* * *

”Father,” Lan Wangxian says after they’ve left Dafan Mountain, eyeing where his father is walking ahead of the strange omega, who’s sitting sulkily on top of his donkey. “Is bringing this man back to the Cloud Recesses truly a good idea?”

Lan Wangji just hums in response, but Lan Wangxian hears the unspoken “yes”, and subsides. He doesn’t understand his father’s reasoning, but he trusts him. Father has never led him wrong before.

It’s a while back to Gusu, and the entire trip Lan Wangxian eyes his father’s behaviour. To an outsider his father may seem completely unreadable, emotionless, but Wangxian has known his sire since he was four, and was personally raised by him. He can read the gentle motions with which his father treats the omega on the donkey, the way his gaze lingers a tad too long on tan skin and dark robes.

His father is… attracted to the strange omega.

Lan Wangxian doesn’t know how to feel about this. He’s never seen his father ever so much as glance at another omega, never paying attention to even the people on the street who would throw flowers his way, but this- this omega man who everyone’s labelled as a lunatic, who no one seems to know what to make of- Lan Wangxian can tell that he’s caught his father’s eye.

Lan Wangxian wants his father to be happy- of course he does, he’s seen the years his father mourned after Lan Wangxian’s mother died. He knows Father has spent weeks, hours after hours, sitting just outside the Jingshi, playing Inquiry over and over again.

But Lan Wangxian was not young enough to not have memories of his mother before he died. As much as he wants Father to be happy, he doesn’t want Father to mate with another omega, doesn’t want a stepmother to replace the memories still held close to his heart.

He remembers laughing eyes, strong arms carrying him after he took his first steps, remembers the soft, sweet scent of lotus blooms and mellow spice, remembers crawling after his brother in all but blood, tussling around on the floor while Mum looked after them, hands stroking over his flute.

He remembers confusion when there’d been a day when Mum had left the cave, and hadn’t come back. He remembers huddling with Brother up in the branches of a tree as the cave got destroyed, remembers a startled face finding both himself and Brother hidden away, and then warm hands lifting him into an embrace that felt safer than any strangers’ should have.

He has good memories of Mum, and he wants them to stay that way. He doesn’t want anyone to replace his memories of Mum. Having Father and Brother and Uncle was enough.

But he sees Father’s care in the way he leads the omega’s donkey, the way he tugs the creature along with a gentleness that barely stirs the omega perched atop it. He sees the way Father’s gaze constantly strays to the omega’s, to long, nimble fingers still stroking over that hastily crafted bamboo flute.

He remembers overhearing Uncle and Grand Uncle talking about it once, Uncle’s worried voice speaking about how Father had been mourning for far too long.

And he agrees, because Father had been mourning for the entire time Lan Wangxian has known him.

He thinks he may not have to acknowledge the new omega as his mother. But he wouldn’t be against Father finally moving on.


	2. Chapter 2

The notes of his song are still playing through his head, a constant loop of too sharp, too high notes, almost screeches in how badly played they are, but Lan Wangji would recognise those notes anywhere.

And there’s only one person who could ever know that song, other than him.

Wei Ying. This strange, supposedly insane, _infuriating_ omega is Wei Ying.

Really, he should have guessed. Only one person could ever get under his skin so quickly and effectively.

But he’s Wei Wuxian. Wei Ying. _His_ Wei Ying.

Wangxian and Sizhui would be so happy to know- no, he can’t tell them, not yet. Not until he’s sure that Wei Wuxian remembers them, until he’s sure his children won’t get their hopes up for nothing.

He’s heard of many, many different ways of souls coming back by possessing another body, but for Zidian’s strike to not have had an effect- it was… confusing.

Lan Wangji’s only ever heard of the one ritual offering up one’s own body, and even then he’s only heard the very vaguest snippets of it, and only because he’d gone digging for any information on souls returning to the earthly plane.

And one thing he’d found out was that returned souls almost always had gaps in their memory. And it didn’t help that the Wei Wuxian Lan Wangji had known was scatterbrained enough to forget where he’d put something even if said something was right under his hand.

Lan Wangji needed to know if Wei Wuxian remembered Lan Zhenli and Wen Yuan before he made any move to tell either of them. He couldn’t burden any of the three of them with the guilt of forgetting or the pain of hopes dashed. His family has already been so fractured for so long, he would spare them any pain that he could.

By the time they get back to the Cloud Recesses, it’s late afternoon the next day, and Wei Wuxian is throwing a fit outside their doorstep.

Lan Wangji barely stops himself from rolling his eyes, somehow unflustered even as Wei Wuxian blatantly breaks at least three of their rules in one go. He just tells Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui to drag Wei Wuxian in after he tires himself out, walking into Cloud Recesses with Lan Wangxian following behind.

Lan Wangji has been meditating -or, well, trying to meditate through Wei Wuxian’s wailing- for a while before he hears the nearby sound of a flute playing, too polished and clean to be Wei Wuxian’s carelessly crafted bamboo one, and he feels his lips twitch ever so slightly when Wei Wuxian’s melodramatic cries die down at the sound.

The melody flows, and Lan Wangji can hear the improvement in the pacing and tune. Lan Wangxian has been playing the flute less often lately, focusing on the guqin instead, and nowadays the sound of the flute only really echoes through Cloud Recesses once or twice a week, compared to how it’d used to be almost daily.

He remembers how Lan Wangxian had come up to him when he was younger, asking if he could learn the flute because he had memories of how Mum used to play the flute for him and Brother. The image those words had planted in Lan Wangji’s mind had been bittersweet, his heart aching at the thought of missing such a scene.

He’s missed many, many milestones in his son’s life, Lan Wangji knows. His first words, first steps, everything a young child goes through. But Wei Wuxian has missed more, through no fault of his own, and Lan Wangji wants nothing more than to reunite him with their child. It’s a reunion Lan Wangji thinks he would like to see.

* * *

Wei Wuxian is still in the midst of attempting to get kicked out of Cloud Recesses when the unmistakable melody of a flute echoes through the air. He freezes, and the wail on the tip of his tongue falters and dies. No one in Gusulan plays the flute. Gusulan is known for the guqin, and very, very occasionally, other string instruments like the pipa or erhu, but never a wind instrument like the flute.

He freezes, and then the two Lan disciples that Lan Wangji left to keep an eye on him grab him by the arms and drag him past the barrier in the Cloud Recesses.

Damn.

Strangely enough Wei Wuxian isn’t brought to anywhere he expects to be brought, like maybe the Library Pavillion, or some lone hut that serves as a prison, or even the mingshi. Instead, he’s brought up to Lan Wangji, who orders him to be brought to the jingshi, and Wei Wuxian startles. The last he knew, the jingshi was Lan Wangji’s own bedroom and study, although he guesses now that Lan Wangji is mated he may not live there anymore. But still, the jingshi was practically a forbidden area, really the only place that Wei Wuxian had never even considered breaking into when he’d last been at Cloud Recesses.

He’s left in the jingshi for the rest of the day, and Wei Wuxian is surprised to find that Lan Wangji really does still live here, as is evident by the scent of sandalwood and snow that lingers in every nook and cranny of the room. It’s strange that he can’t find any sign of another occupant in the room, no additional robes other than the one that are clearly in Lan Wangji’s size, no other possessions other than the small table Lan Wangji writes and plays his guqin on. There’s nothing in the room that could hint at a mate, although Wei Wuxian does find a small chest of children’s clothing tucked away unobtrusively in one corner of the room.

Maybe Lan Wangji’s mating had been an arranged one? It would explain why the man and his mate were clearly sleeping in separate rooms, and why Wei Wuxian hadn’t seen anybody welcoming Lan Wangji back when they’d arrived.

Throughout his entire time spent in the jingshi, the haunting melody of the flute still drifts in through the open windows, sending shivers down Wei Wuxian’s spine at the cool skill of the player. It’s not at the level of skill that Wei Wuxian himself had been at before he died, but it’s undoubtedly good, far better than average and good enough to make Wei Wuxian wonder if he could best than the mystery player, rusty as he was.

He wants to know who’s playing the flute. So he leaves his rummaging of Lan Wangji’s room to later and sneaks out of the jingshi, making sure none of the Lan disciples see him and stop him. Following the tune, Wei Wuxian finds himself standing outside the Library Pavillion, where he can see Lan Wangji seated at the short table, poring over a scroll, and Lan Wangxian is standing off to the corner, a flute in his hands, the wood a brown so dark that it seems black, well polished and clearly cared for. So Lan Wangji’s son is the one playing the flute. Wei Wuxian finds that strange, in that he always thought someone of the Lan clan would definitely pick up the guqin, and nothing else. But clearly Lan Wangji is not disapproving of his son’s actions, because even as Wei Wuxian watches, the alpha turns his cool gaze on his son and nods approvingly.

“You are doing well, Wangxian,” the man says, and is that- is that the barest hint of _pride_ Wei Wuxian hears in Lan Wangji’s voice?

He doesn’t want to admit it, but Lan Wangji is a good father. He imagines what it would have been like to have Zhenli grow up with both parents there, to watch as Lan Wangji expressed his love for their child in the smallest of ways. It hurts, a sharp pang in his chest as he imagines Zhenli’s wide gold eyes shine with happiness, imagines seeing Lan Wangji’s own gold eyes showing the pride that Wei Wuxian sees him demonstrating now.

“Thank you, Father,” Lan Wangxian says, and the smile that lights up his face is almost enough to send Wei Wuxian reeling in shock. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen _any_ member of the Gusulan Sect express emotion so readily, and strangely enough, the look of that smile seems familiar, somehow, even though Wei Wuxian knows that Lan Wangji’s smiles, rare as they are, do not resemble the blinding grin that overtakes his son’s face.

Maybe Lan Wangxian takes after his dam in that aspect, then.

A long silence falls after the short exchange, punctuated only by the soft swish of Lan Wangji’s brush across paper, or the rustle of fabric as Lan Wangxian polishes his flute.

Soon Wei Wuxian tires of spying, seeing as the pair are doing nothing out of the ordinary, and turns around and heads back to the jingshi.

He just misses the soft, “Fa- Dad, will I ever be as good as Mum?” and a moment’s hesitation before a reply comes.

* * *

Night falls far quicker than Wei Wuxian expects, and before he knows it there are disciples leaving food outside the door of the jingshi, and then less than an hour later Lan Wangji himself is entering the room, and the bell signalling curfew tolls soon after.

Lan Wangji directs him to another section of the jingshi, an area partitioned off from the rest of the room with a separate bed, and then all but orders him to sleep.

For a long moment Wei Wuxian toys with the idea of annoying Lan Wangji enough to get himself thrown out of Cloud Recesses, maybe flirt with him until he gets uncomfortable, or blatantly try to sleep in his bed, but ultimately decides against it. He doesn’t want to have to deal with his traitor heart, or the consequences of what might happen should someone find him in Lan Wangji’s bed.

He _really_ doesn’t want to be responsible for breaking apart someone’s family.

So he lays in his given bed, staring at the white ceiling and the sloping roof, the way the moonlight shines in through the open window, and he doesn’t even realise when he falls asleep.

* * *

Lan Wangji generally sleeps all the way through from nine to five, his body clock having been trained that way since young, so when he jolts awake and the moon is still high in the sky and the entirety of Cloud Recesses is utterly silent, he’s immediately wary. As far as he’s figured out, nothing short of being attacked could mess with his sleep cycle, so when there’s no sounds of battle anywhere nearby he’s understandably confused.

Then he notices the scent of omega in distress, almost overpowering, and as he stands and makes his way over to Wei Wuxian’s portion of the room, he hears the softest whimpers coming from behind the partition, accompanied by the occasional mumbled word.

When Lan Wangji enters the separated section of the room, he sees Wei Wuxian lying on his bed, a thin sheen of sweat coating his forehead. The other man is tossing and turning restlessly, and while Wei Wuxian may be in a different body, his scent is still extremely similar, especially the way he’s in distress right now, and the way the omega writhes in panic is heartbreaking.

Wei Wuxian is mumbling in his sleep, clearly in the throes of a nightmare. His features are scrunched tight, brow furrowed and teeth gritted.

“No,” he mumbles, soft and panicked. “No, no, not- please, no-

 _“No! Please!”_ Wei Wuxian shouts abruptly, thrashing violently. “Not- no- Zhenli, A-Yuan- please-”

The scent of distress has completely permeated the small room, sharp and bitter and completely unlike Wei Wuxian’s usual scent, and Lan Wangji’s heart stutters. The pain in Wei Wuxian’s voice shakes Lan Wangji to his core, a deep, soul rending kind of agony.

“Not my children,” Wei Wuxian whispers, so softly that Lan Wangji barely hears him. “Not them, please, kill me instead.”

Lan Wangji steps forward, hesitantly placing a hand on Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. Even through his robes Lan Wangji can feel the clamminess of panic and anxiety, feel the tremors that wreck the other’s form.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, shaking the man slightly. “Wei Ying, wake up.”

Wei Wuxian turns towards him, eyes still closed, but Lan Wangji sees the way his form stills ever so slightly.

“Wei Ying, wake up,” Lan Wangji repeats, shaking just a tad harder, and watches as the other man’s eyes snap open, clouded with fear.

“Lan Zhan!” He gasps, gaze immediately fixing on Lan Wangji, eyes desperate. “Lan Zhan, where’s- Zhenli- Wen Yuan- Lan Zhan- our son-”

“Breathe,” Lan Wangji stalls the omega with a word and a raise of his hand. “You are safe here. Calm down. Remember where you are.”

Lan Wangji would more than willingly give up his pretense of not knowing who Wei Wuxian was if it would calm the other man down.

Then he sees Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen, and sees the way the omega immediately switches personalities, plastering a wide, crazed smile on his lips and throwing himself at Lan Wangji.

“Han Guang-jun!” He cries, grinning. “I had the best dream, Han Guang-jun is the most handsome alpha- How amazing! Ah, I really am very attracted to Han Guang-jun!”

The complete emotional one-eighty startles Lan Wangji, even as he understands why Wei Wuxian does it. The other man is desperately trying to cover up the fact that he’d all but given himself away, and Lan Wangji watches, bemused, as Wei Wuxian spouts more and more crazed nonsense. Finally, Lan Wangji decides to put a stop to the lunacy, shaking his head once. “Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian falters for a split second before picking up the charade once more. “Wei Ying? Who’s that? Han Guang-jun, you may be pretty, but are you sure your eyesight is okay?”

Lan Wangji sighs. “Wei Ying. Stop.”

Lan Wangji sees the moment that Wei Wuxian gives up the farce.

“How long have you known?” He asks, shoulders slumping as the grin slips from his face.

“Long enough,” Lan Wangji says.

“You’re… not going to ask about what I said earlier?”

Lan Wangji feels his heart clench at the vulnerability in Wei Wuxian’s voice. He knows for certain now that Wei Wuxian remembers Lan Zhenli and Wen Yuan, and suddenly the realisation that Wei Wuxian has been living the past few days under the assumption that his _-their-_ children were dead almost bowls him over.

Lan Wangji turns away then, to look out of the window, at the houses where the Lan disciples stay during the course of their studies.

“Zhenli is alive,” he says, so soft that for a long moment he thinks Wei Wuxian doesn’t hear him. But then he turns, and meets Wei Wuxian’s stunned mercurial gaze. Those silver eyes are brimming with unshed tears, lips parted ever so slightly in shock. “You knew?”

“I found them in the ruins of the Burial Mounds,” Lan Wangji says, and watches Wei Wuxian’s eyes light up.

“Them?” He asks, voice breathy with shock and hope. “You mean- Wen Yuan-”

“Mmm.”

“I-” Wei Wuxian breathes, eyes wide. “Lan Zhan- where- please- my sons-”

“You’ve already met them both.”

“Who- Lan Wangxian! He- my son- he’s my A-Li?”

Lan Wangji nods, lips twitching as Wei Wuxian’s tears finally fall.

“He looks so much like you, Lan Zhan. When I first saw him I almost thought he was you, when I saw the eyes, but- my baby, my A-Li, he looks so much like both of us, Lan Zhan- he has my hair- and my eye shape-”

Lan Wangji nods, silent.

“And A-Yuan- who-”

“Lan Sizhui,” Lan Wangji replies.

“The one who- of course, the two of them were so close- Lan Zhan, my sons are so grown up now, I’ve missed so much-”

Wei Wuxian stutters to a halt, silver eyes darting up to look at him. “Lan Zhan- take me to them- please- Lan Zhan-”

“It is past curfew,” Lan Wangji says, but the rules don’t stop the pang of regret that shoots through him at Wei Wuxian’s crestfallen expression. “The disciples will all be sleeping, we cannot disturb them. You will have to wait until five, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian bites his lip, eyes closed, but he nods all the same. “Okay.”

Lan Wangji has never seen the other man so compliant, but the way his eyes dart to track the passage of the moon in the sky and the way he folds himself into the lotus position and wipes surreptitiously at his eyes makes Lan Wangji think that maybe Wei Wuxian needs the time to gather himself as well.

Lan Wangji turns to leave.

“Wait! Lan Zhan-”

Lan Wangji pauses.

“Will you- will you stay?”

Lan Wangji turns and sits down by Wei Wuxian’s side. “Mmm.”

* * *

When Wei Wuxian wakes, Lan Wangji is already up, seated calmly at his bedside, cleaning Bichen’s blade.

“Wei Ying,” the alpha says, looking up. “You are awake.”

“Lan Zhan- ah! So that wasn’t a dream?”

“Mmm.”

“A-Li,” Wei Wuxian says, soft, almost frightened. “A-Yuan. Will you take me to them? Will- Do they still remember me, Lan Zhan? They were so young when- I tried to keep them away from the cave before I burned it down- I couldn’t- I didn’t-”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, calm as ever. “Why do you think Zhenli’s courtesy name is like so? Brother helped me choose one for him, but he says Zhenli mentioned wanting that name.”

Wei Wuxian freezes. “Lan Wangxian… Wangxian-”

Lan Wangji picks up a brush, and writes down the two characters.

The character for ‘forget’… and then two dots, two horizontal lines, a vertical one then another horizontal one. Two more dots. A short downwards stroke, a horizontal line ending in a hook, then two more downward strokes.

Xiàn.

It wasn’t just a homonym, not a random word that sounded the same. There were so many other words out there with the same pronunciation, it could have been any one of them. But it was the character for envy. The one that made up his own courtesy name.

And just as his own name, put together, meant “without envy”, his son’s meant “forget envy”.

“The first character of your name, and the last character of mine… this child of mine has definitely inherited my sense of romance, Lan Zhan!”

“Mmm.”

“...Can we go see A-Yuan and A-Li now?”

Lan Wangji stands, and turns to the door. “Come.”

Wei Wuxian scrambles to his feet, grabbing his outer robes and hastily wears them, tying the sash at his waist with shaky fingers.

Gods, he can’t wait to see them again.

* * *

The appearance of Han Guang-jun at the disciples’ bunks is uncommon enough that most of the disciples freeze in their tracks, still in varying states of dress. All are decent, in their outer robes and all, but a few are still sporting untied hair and a distinct lack of a forehead ribbon.

All of them snap to attention immediately, cheeks flushed at being caught unprepared, but bowing respectfully anyway.

The sight of the strange omega trailing along behind Han Guang-jun sends confused murmurs down the halls, but the murmurs stay almost inaudible, and Wei Wuxian ignores them easily. Occasionally he sees Lan Wangji twitch when a murmur reaches his sharp ears, but Lan Wangji seems to be ignoring the words as well.

Lan Wangji stops in front of one of the disciples’ doors, and knocks once, then waits. Lan Sizhui answers the door, already fully-dressed and presentable, and Wei Wuxian sees the boy in a completely different light. Now, Wei Wuxian’s old memories of Wen Yuan -little, precocious, outspoken Wen Yuan- are overlaid onto this teenager, this sixteen year old boy who Wei Wuxian had watched grow up for a good three years. And now Wei Wuxian sees the resemblance, in cheeks that the remnants of baby fat still cling to, in the shape and colour of wide eyes. Wei Wuxian’s heart skips a beat, and it’s only Lan Wangji’s arm holding him back that prevents him from grabbing the younger boy and not letting go.

“A-Yuan,” Lan Wangji says, and Wei Wuxian sees the way Lan Sizhui’s eyes go wide. “Get your brother.”

Lan Sizhui -Wen Yuan, A-Yuan, one of his little baby boys- nods quickly and darts back into the room.

A moment later Lan Wangxian -his son, his baby, the boy he’d birthed, watched grow up- meets them at the door, standing side-by-side with Lan Sizhui, both looking up at their father.

“Yes, Father?”

“Come,” Lan Wangji says, and then turns, leaving Wei Wuxian to scramble after him even as his heart beats a rapid tattoo in his chest.

 _You can’t make a fool of yourself in the middle of Cloud Recesses,_ Wei Wuxian hisses inwardly. _You can’t let the entire GusuLan know you’re the mother of Lan Wangji’s children!_

So Wei Wuxian keeps the patter of his heart to himself, and tells himself the way his vision blurs at the edges is just dust getting in his eyes.

* * *

When the four of them are back in the jingshi, Lan Wangxian is the first to break the silence, a curious set to his eyebrows as he turns to Lan Wangji. “Father, is there a reason you called us away from our room?”

Lan Wangji nods, expressionless. “En.”

“Han Guang-jun?” That’s Lan Sizhui, and Wei Wuxian has to wonder why Zhenli calls Lan Wangji “father”, but A-Yuan doesn’t.

Lan Wangji remains silent, and Wei Wuxian sighs inwardly. He always _did_ do all the talking among the two of them.

“Do you two know why Han Guang-jun saved me at Dafan Mountain?”

Lan Wangxian and Lan Sizhui both frown ever so slightly, and Wei Wuxian sees Lan Sizhui begin to shake his head, before Lan Wangxian breaks in with a hesitant, “Father… is attracted to you. That’s why?”

Wei Wuxian splutters, and sees the tips of Lan Wangji’s ears flush red.

Lan Sizhui’s impassive face breaks into a grin, and he hides a laugh behind his palm before he calms himself.

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, and can’t help the fond smile that tugs at his lips. “You truly are like your father, A-Li-”

Wei Wuxian falters then, hearing the endearment slip from between his lips unbidden, seeing the way Lan Wangxian freezes up, and Lan Sizhui starts.

“Who are you to call me that?” Lan Wangxian demands after a moment’s shock, and Wei Wuxian sees the anger in the set of his eyes. “No one other than Father has ever called me that, not since I was three.”

Wei Wuxian offers a grin, channeling sheepishness into false confidence. “And your mother can’t call you that, A-Li?”

Wei Wuxian sees the outrage at that, fury in every line of his son’s face, and, okay, now Wei Wuxian can see the resemblance between him and his son. The anger on Lan Wangxian’s face transforms his features into something Wei Wuxian used to see in the mirror, in his old body.

“Don’t you dare-” Lan Wangxian says, and even Lan Sizhui looks angry now, brows furrowed and fists clenched.

“I don’t care if you hate the Yiling Patriarch, or if he killed your entire family, or you hate what he did- you don’t insult my mother’s memory!”

Wei Wuxian’s heart stutters. He hadn’t thought- he’d only really had A-Li for all of three years, less than a quarter of his life, and- A-Li still loved him, still felt strongly about him-

Wei Wuxian is moving before he can think, grabbing his son in a tight embrace, stroking his messy hair. Lan Wangxian shrugs his hug off violently, pushing away from him to glare, eyes practically sparking with rage. Wei Wuxian tells himself the treatment is because his son doesn’t know who he is, but nevertheless the hurt tugs at his heart.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, placing a hand on his shoulder, and Wei Wuxian responds habitually before the shock on both Lan Wangxian’s and Lan Sizhui’s face reminds him of where he is.

“B-But-” Lan Sizhui starts, eyes wide. “Zidian’s strike-”

“Only works if the body is being possessed,” Wei Wuxian says cheerfully. “This body happened to have been sacrificed willingly to me!”

“So you are truly…”

“M- Mama?” And Lan Wangxian’s voice is trembling, soft and hesitant and _afraid,_ like he’s going to be rejected at any moment.

Lan Sizhui looks equally stunned, a breathy, “Ma- Xian-gege?” falling from his lips.

Wei Wuxian smiles through blurry eyes, and pulls both his sons into a tight hug.

“How many times have I told you, A-Yuan,” Wei Wuxian chides softly. “If you want to call me Mama, you can.”

Lan Sizhui laughs softly, and buries his face in Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “Okay, Mama.”

Beside him, Lan Wangxian is stiff as a board, and Wei Wuxian can smell the shock in his scent, sandalwood and spice diluted by the bittersweet smell of surprise.

Wei Wuxian smiles, pressing kisses to the top of both his sons’ heads, and holds them close.

“It’s okay, A-Li,” he whispers, and he feels more than smells the way his own scent melts into something comforting and soothing, the spice of chilli dimming into a mellow undertone, a complement to the sweet bloom of lotus flowers. “It’s okay, it’s really me, A-Bao, I’m back, I’m back.”

Wei Wuxian feels the second Lan Wangxian crumples in his arms, folding in on himself and pressing close, and he feels the hot tears that soak his robes, and Wei Wuxian feels his own tears begin to slip down his cheeks.

Thirteen years, his sons have been without him. There’s so much of their lives that he’s missed, so much that he doesn’t know.

But he’s back, and now he has the rest of their lives to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone wanted to know, these are the chinese characters that make up Lan Zhenli | Lan Wangxian's name:  
> 蓝珍理, which loosely translates to "value reason/logic". 珍 can also be used in the word 珍贵, which means precious.  
> 蓝忘羡, I'm sure I don't need to explain the reasoning behind the name! But other than being a shipname, the individual terms can also be taken to mean "forget" and "jealousy/envy", which actually has pretty noble connotations if you think hard enough, which is also why I thought it was decent enough as a courtesy name.
> 
> Honestly, I'm not really satisfied with the way this fic turned out? Wei Wuxian is a little too mature and ooc, but I'm working on the assumption that as an actual mother with a son he has a lot more reason to not be as much of a carefree happy-go-lucky type.  
> But I hope you guys like it at least!
> 
> Now with [fanart!!](http://sterndecorum.tumblr.com/post/181192932208/inspired-by-this-series-3)  
> By the lovely [sterndecorum](http://sterndecorum.tumblr.com)  
> [And more fanart!!](https://www.instagram.com/p/BzzyaOOJIhA/?igshid=u8icz42vnd5n)  
> By the amazing [alyaristo](https://instagram.com/alyaristo?igshid=1q9y6cfcpmo0n)  
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> Pop over and say hi!


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